Birthmothers Story - The beginning.

I was so in love and it was September of 1970. My love was returning to school for the semester but stopping at my house before he continued on to Penn State. We made love outside under a canopy of trees and of course, I conceived. I was 17. He was 20. It was the Age of Aquarius and life was all about drugs and sex and rock and roll.

I knew I was pregnant 5 weeks later and as time went on, it became more and more apparent that my period was not going to happen. The end of October arrived and I told my love about our little secret and his response was "Don't worry about it". So, I didn't for a while, but then I did. The magnatude of the consequence of our actions was becoming insurrmountable.

Still I kept the secret hoping something would happen ...the old "if you ignore it, it will go away". But it didn't. I didn't hear from my love for October, for November, trying hard "not to worry". Thanksgiving approached, and still no contact. Now I was mad, hurt, befuddled but most of all scared. I was working at Howard Johnson's on the Pennsylvania turnpike as a waitress. Long, hard hours for pittance. All of a sudden, one day, there he was, my love...sitting at the counter. He sat there all day until I finished. Approached me.

How are you?....PREGNANT....

Do you know what I've been thinking?....NO, NOT A MIND READER AND YOU'VE NOT CALLED ME, WRITTEN ME, LEFT ME HERE TO STEW IN THIS PREDICAMENT ALONE...SO NO, I'VE NO WAY OF KNOWING WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THINKING.

I've been thinking that I'd like to ask you to marry me....AND LIVE ON WHAT? YOU'RE A PRE-MED STUDENT, I'M A WAITRESS, OH, I KNOW...WE'LL LIVE ON LOVE.

I'll ask my aunt for money.......UH NO, SORRY...NOT AN OPTION.

He followed me home, told my mother I was pregnant and so started the rest of my life.

He disappeared off the radar and I started my journey on my own.

My mother marched me down to Catholic Charities because she wanted to make absolutely certain that the pregnancy would not be interrupted and they would be the saviors. This was after she wanted me to have the baby, bring it home and she would raise it.

Uhhhh, no, not an option either.

The next six months were pretty much a blur. I lived with a family for a while in Cherry Hill, NJ and went in to St. Vincents Hospital for Women and Children in South Philadelphia on a regular basis for checkups. This arrangement worked only for a short time. By April I had moved in to St. V's and spent my last 2 months there as a resident. Yes, it was a home for unwed mothers and I fit that bill to a "T".

My pregnancy was uneventful, the delivery was tough. Leaving there and walking away from my baby was even tougher. But I knew it was what I had to do. I was 18 and emotionally and mentally unfit to be a mother. That was June 19, 1971...3 days after my son was born.

August, I signed the relinquishment papers and was councelled that I will never ever lay eyes on this person and I have no rights to look for him .... ever. Pretty strong words to a clueless 18 year old.

As life happened, so did many other momentous occassions. Each year that went by, I had a silent party in my head for my unknown son on June 16. I got married in 1975 and had my second son, Jesse in 1978. The three of us have had a wonderful life together, but always lurking in the back of my mind was this thought that my other child should have been with us. I'd quickly shove that thought out of my mind, because remember...NEVER EVER was I to look for him or expect to find him. And so I led my life with that belief.