Birthmothers Story - April 15, 1999 and Stained Glass

Some how I managed to make it through the week leading up to my flight to Atlanta. I busied myself making a piece of stained glass for Tom. It represented the puzzle pieces of my life.

Primary colors - green, red, blue and a frosted clear. Pieced together with squares and triangles. I had one piece given to me that was clear with the primary color speckles that I was able to trim down to the right size and that represented him. The end result turned out pretty nice, if I do say so, myself. It hangs in a prominent window in thier house to this day.

The morning of April 15th arrived. During the week, we had tried to exchange photos through email. I managed to get one off to him but it was at least 10 years old. The one he tried to send me was too big, so I could receive it. That meant that I was arriving in Atlanta without a picture of him, so I had no idea how I was going to recognize him. Some little voice somewhere deep in me told me not to sweat that part. If worst came to worst, we would be the last two standing there after everyone disbursed.

I know that I had an early flight that day. I didn't sleep very much the night before, so my nerves were pretty frayed. I woke well before dawn and showered and tried to get myself ready for THE DAY. My hair was quite long at that point and as I was brushing it out, my hairbrush broke. That was enough to send me in to a tizzy of tears. How on earth was I going to make it through to the end of the flight in Atlanta??

I did finally make it to the airport thanks to some very good friends, but it all seems like it was long ago and far away. At the airport, everything was delayed by at least 1/2 hour which means the probability of me making my connection was becoming slimmer and slimmer. I called Tom from the airport at 7 am and when he picked up the phone on his end, all I could do was cry....AGAIN. I finally got out that not only did my hairbrush break, but my flight has been delayed. I don't think I differenciated the importance of either calamity, because at that moment, they were equally important to me. Funny how stress makes you react to life.

Tom was completely understanding and told me not to worry, he would watch the airlines site and make sure he was at the gate waiting for me. Oh, and how would he know it was me? I told him to look for the old hippy carrying a big shopping bag.

As you can well imagine, chosing my wardrobe for the day was a bit challenging. I finally opted for the clothing that I wear all the time...jeans, turtle neck and a jacket. I couldn't image starting this new relationship with Tom by not being exactly who I am. After all, this was all about dispelling demons from the closet, freeing all the secrets, righting all the wrongs, why complicate things by misrepresenting myself by my clothing. What you see, is what you get. No hidden agendas. Once I came to all these realizations, it made the day so much easier to deal with.

So, I checked my expectations with my baggage and finally got on the plane.

The flight was blessedly uneventful. The change of planes, a bit nerve wracking, but I made the connection thanks to the stewardess strategically placing me in the first row so that when we landed I could bolt to my connection. Somewhere around 2pm I landed in Atlanta. I felt like a deer in headlights and numb.

I clutched my big shopping bag with the piece of stained glass in it and walked off the plane into an area with about 150 people. (This was pre 9/11, so folks would stand at the deplaning gate to meet you). My heart sank. How the hell would I know him in all these people?!

I scanned the room once and started panicking. Took a deep breath and scanned the room again. Then, like a blinding flash, I was looking in to the eyes of my once beloved. They were unmistakable. I walked up to this young man who was looking at me with questioning eyes and said "I think I might be looking for you". We fell in to each others arms in the middle of the airport, totally oblivious to our surroundings and hugged and cried and looked and hugged and cried and looked. It felt like we stood there for an hour. He finally led me to a row of chairs that we sat on where we continued to hug and cry and look. I remember him saying, "I look like you". It was wonderful. It was bizarre. It was surreal. It was awe inspiring. It was yet another beginning. I couldn't stop touching him, I couldn't get enough of him, I wanted this moment to last forever and ever.

He was wearing jeans and a tee shirt. I found out later that his parents had wanted him to wear a nice shirt and tie. Through our conversations during the previous week we found that we were both jeans kinda people. So whatever wardrobe crisis's arose, were very quickly rsolved by putting on a pair of jeans and facing the world. A nice shirt and tie would not have been appropriate for this day....not by a long shot.

Somehow, we managed to leave the airport and get in to his toyota pickup. I felt right at home in that cab...it felt like the inside of my car. The wierdness of this whole surreal process was starting.

Tom had lived in Atlanta for several years, but on this day, he got lost going home from the airport.

We finally made it to his apartment. Cute, cute place. Second story one bedroom apartment in Mid City Atlanta. Carol had done a great job decorating. It was comfortable. They had just adopted a greyhound, a very large greyhound, Breezy, that looked a bit out of place and was somewhat cranky. It was my first experience with a greyhound. It was my first experience with Tom. It was my first experience in Atlanta. All these firsts, all this sensory input. My eyes just would not stop leaking.

We covered a lot of territory in a few short hours. This voyage of discovery was pretty cool. There were parts that I felt awful for not being there for. The wedding pictures were probably the biggest tear jerker for me. In hind sight, I guess my reaction would be pretty normal.
We also started discovering many similarities in our lives...both growing up and life choices/paths.

I remember when Carol walked in. We were in the bedroom where the computer was. I had been looking at the computer and Tom was lying on the bed. I went out to the livingroom and got something out of my wallet that I had carried for 27 years. It was the hospital bracelet that I had on when he was born. I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed to show it to him with leaking eyes. Carol walked in. Geeze, another first impression that took me a long long time to get on the other side of.

Time acted very strangely that day. In one respect, it flew so fast I couldn't catch my breath, but in other respects, it seemed to drag to a new level of slowness. Some how, we made it through and it was time for Tom to take me to my sisters house so that I could lay my weary head upon a pillow and try to sleep.

I was going to be in Atlanta until April 20th.