Birthmothers Story - Voyage of Discovery

Interesting observations come to light during this wildly wonderful voyage of discovery. Tom is an adult, but yet, my initial expecation was that he's my child, so therefore he will love me without question. Wow, can anything be further from reality than that!! There weren't many books written on the subject of closed adoption reunions in the late '90's. I think I managed to find two. So, we kind of wrote our own rules as we got to know each other and our immediate familial circles. It was surely a journey.

Neither of us really knew what to make of each other. My first impression was the physical stature, the 'eye candy'. I found it hard to get beyond that. I blush when I think back and realize that it was about as close to a sexual attraction as you can get without it really being that. Through some research on the topic of reunion (there are many books now) it's evidently a normal phenomena. All I knew was that first week, I couldn't keep my hands off of him. Had to touch...face, hand, arm, hair....something, had to have that physical contact....to the point that it made him uncomfortable. At one point he had dropped me off at my sisters at the end of the day and I was giving him a hug in the driveway and he said he felt like he was dropping me off after the prom. It was all just so wierd.

We did quite a bit that first week as we discovered each other. Went to Stone Mountain, went for a walk along a river, drove endless miles around Atlanta, did lunch, did dinner. During this "getting to know each other" time, we found that our lives had been this wierd parallel. The first thing that came to light was the fact that he was a chef at the Ritz Carlton in Atlanta...food is his passion. When I became pregnant with him, I was a waitress and I stayed in the food service industry for several years...bartending, cooking, hostessing and of course waitressing. He was also going to school when I met him. He was studying for his MSNE (Microsoft Network Engineer) certificate. I had been in technology since 1984 in many different capacities, and to this day, am still (and so is he). His family had raised him staunch Catholic and he never really felt like he fit in...likewise here, too. He had gone to a Catholic College, I went to a Catholic Girls School. The list goes on and on. After a while, we stopped being surprised by the uncanny similarities.

Somewhere along the way, you really have to ponder the 'nature/nurture' aspect of life. Some of the characteristics of make us who we are....is that because we were taught that or because it's our natural instinct.

Tom always knew he was adopted. He knew it from day one. He's always been ok with it, I think because of how his parents handled the facts. He looks at it as a trait, like his blue eyes and red hair. He's never felt like he had this big void in his life and as a result of that he told me that he probably would not have started looking for me until his parents had passed. I find the more people that I talk to about adoption reunion, I find that when men do eventually look it is after their adoptive parents pass. Generally, men don't feel the need to look before that if they've had a fulfilling life. It really is a gender thing on how it's all processed.

So, I left Atlanta feeling satiated. Full to the brim and lethargic. It was cleansing, purging, beautiful, freeing. I now knew who my son was/is. I now knew what made him tick. I now knew how I felt about him, but this whole relationship thing...it's not just about me. It's about us...it's about Tom and me. That took a minute to sink in.

I don't remember the flight home. But, I do remember walking in the front door of my home and there was a bouquet of flowers from my husband, who never gives me flowers. The card read: Congratulations, It's a Boy!!! I cried....AGAIN