Birthmothers Story - Here and Now

I've read and read my posts and I kinda feel like I've gotten it all down. It was a good exercise putting all these thoughts and emotions to paper. It's kind of given me permission to let the past go. I can't change it. I've moved beyond the heartache I think. Yeah, I've really taken that huge step on to the next plateau. Tom has commented many times about how "easy" it's been for us. And it truly has. We are so like minded and easy going, that it has been easy to learn how to be with each other. He certainly didn't come in to this reunion with a huge gash in his psyche or co-dependant or hating his life. I was much needier than he and HAD to get it all put on the table immediately and deal with the aftermath later. We are gentle with each other and don't take much for granted. We're finally at the point where teasing is completely acceptable and laughing a lot is demanded.

I can't change the fact that we happened so late in life, but ya know what? I think I'm ok with that. I was 18 when he was born and I've learned since, to be realistic about the different paths that life sends you on. I've found out that Tom was a hyperactive child, highly inquisitive and in constant motion. No way was I equipped to handle that. I think we probably would have done more damage to each other trying to raise each other had the events of 1971 not taken place the way that they did. We've played the "what if" game a couple of times and each time, we end up looking at each other and acknowleging that yeah, we probably would have killed each other if circumstances would have been different. I know to some that might sound wierd, and maybe it's my own justification for how the events played out, but either way, it is what it is, and I'm finally OK with it. Now, it's today, and it's the rest of our lives that matter and count. Yeah, it's wierd that he wasn't there for so many years, but that was then and this is now.

So, now on to the fun stuff.

Tom and Carol have had 2 babies since all this amazing stuff has happened.

Sean was born in 2001, 2 days after my birthday. Talk about one most awesome birthday present!!! Tom tells me Sean is just like he was when he was little. And yeah, I gotta go back to the statement I wrote before. We would have done a lot of damage to each other had we tried to raise each other. ;-) My well of patience is much deeper now and I can appreciate and love the inquistiveness and the activity level helps to keep me young. You can see the energy eminating from Sean and it's tough for him to contain himself, but he's working on it. People often ask me what Sean calls me...I'm Kaycee. If it ever comes to the table that we need to discuss the family tree, then we will, but for now, I'm Kaycee.

Camille was just born April 30. I haven't seen her yet, but I will in 4 more weeks. I've gotten lots of pictures (God bless the internet!) I'm going to Atlanta to meet the new princess and to spend Tom's birthday with him for the second time in his life...the first was the day of his birth.

I'm loving this all inclusive new chapter of my life. I've learned to sit back and take it as it comes. I think alot of it has to do with maturity and finally letting go of the past. It can't be rewritten and it can't be justified, it just is. It has made us who we are.